Read This First Please...........

Whats this blog about?
I suffer from Gender Dysphoria, a medical condition that sets the mind against the body. It's more commonly know as transsexualism and is commonly percieved as a 'choice' or sexual in nature. It's not. It's a genetic quirk, a birth defect - no more a choice than having blue eyes or being left handed, and has nothing to do with sexuality or gratification. It is not a mental condition but a physical one of the hormonal system and the way it interacts with the brain. It's been with me since I was 3, but always pushed away as 'wrong' and a foible of my mind. in late 2008 it exploded back out into my now normal life with a loving family. It's put me into the pits of depression with this, and have been close to suicide twice now. I'm not going to fight anymore. I give up - I can't beat this and I now accept that I will have to transition to female at some point. Or I'll die. It's as simple as that.
I am, and always will be a family person, so one thing I can promise is that this blog will not contain content likely to be regarded as being offensive. It may make you think, but will never be salicious or rude. So I've blogged about fighting being trans before and I've blogged about running before. It's time to start to normalise apparently contrary things in my life [ha!] and accept that all parts of life are not incompatible.
So it's 20/12/10 today as I start this blog. In April 2011 I'd like to run the Highland Fling as a male vet. At some point in the years not too far ahead I'd like to run it as female. Now there is a target.
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Thursday, 6 January 2011

2011 and things

Well 2011 is here and I'm falling in love again with night time running. I really am. There is almost nothing so satisfying right now as plodding my way round a nice route with the cone of light from my head torch defining the limits of the world at large. Whether it is going through the woods near home, or out in the countryside, the peace and solitude are hard to beat – it gives you time to think, while the running endorphins help take the edge off the mental stress of Gender Dysphoria. The hypnotherapy I've been having has helped big style. I'm fairly sceptical about some stuff like this, but this has really worked, helping me clear my head a bit, and somehow giving me more energy and drive. I would highly recommend the woman I use for anybody with any problems at all.
So the planning to get me to the Fling start line is getting put in place. A realistic plan has been drawn up on spreadsheet [John Kynaston would be impressed], maps bought, the WHW ran on, if only for a few miles in the ice, and most importantly I’m starting to get the miles in slowly but surely. I was planning to do a 'Jan-athon' - running every day in january for a minimum of either 3 miles or 30 mins, but this isn't quite going to be possible. I've only missed one day so far due to a family day out to Aviemore and I know that next week I have a business trip to Europe which will blow at least one day out. But still going to try for every day and reach 90+miles for January. The plan for the next week is to get a decent run in at the weekend, hopefully up the nearby hill with the mad pup, and then run home from work next thursday [12mil] one night, along with the usual daily 3 milers. OK - I know it's hardly Jez Bragg mileage, but building up from zero again will take a bit of time. It's going to be a challenge to be able to do the mileage required for the Fling, but right now I'm up for it.
All this running and the anti-depressives has taken some of the edge off the GID, but I'm hoping not to fall into the usual trap of going 'Oh! it's gone - I can go back to a normal life again!' - that only ends in pain as the GID comes back soon enough. This time I'm not hiding it, not repressing it, so tonight it was back to the salon for a second IPL facial hair removal session. The first session hurt like nothing on earth, but this one was much much less painful. Really looking forward to seeing some more improvements, although the first session has made a huge difference.
As a bit of inspiration I was looking through Jennifer Mccreath's blog this evening. She managed 6 marathons in 2010 with 5 within a 33 day period. I do hope I can keep that level of activity up as I transition. 2011 looks like her year for GRS [surgery], so here's hoping she recovers quickly and gets back into running again soon. I also found this link to this article from runners world.

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